smell my finger.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
