I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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