I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
