I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
