guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
