Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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