mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
