we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
