OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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