Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
