After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
