Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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