the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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