I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
