We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
