I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
