I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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