As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
