You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
