I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
