I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
