Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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