Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
