i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
