can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
