My liver just broke up with me...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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