a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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