Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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