omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
