you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I forget how to act sober
Randomize