I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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