She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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