He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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