i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize