She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
