Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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