totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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