hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I didn't notice because vodka
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
