his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
