it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
