Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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