hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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