I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
