he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
