I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
