my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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