I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
