his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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