I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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