This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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