im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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