If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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