He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
