Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
