my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
