Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
