You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
