my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
