plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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