Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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