i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
