Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
