and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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