no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
