that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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